Empty Nesters

NO MORE ETHEL
For those of you who know Ethel, please relax, she is still alive and kicking. She just can't call our house 20+ times a day anymore. I've blocked her calls. I know it's evil and mean but my sanity could not stand it anymore. Ethel is about 75 years old (looks 90) with no teeth and some severe dementia. Her house is dark and musty and she smells like moth balls. Her clothes are all soiled and her hair is stringy.The stories I could tell about her are endless and hilarious. She lives alone and calls ALL DAY to members of our church for entertainment. She will call, you talk to her and 5 minutes later she calls again. In the course of your conversations, she will ask you the same thing over and over again. She has about 5 family favorites but I am convinced we were #1 because Lee is her "adopted son" and is so nice to her on the phone. He would tell her these outlandish stories when he talked to her like when she asked about me, he'd say I was at BYU trying out for the cheerleading squad. He told her Lindsey was in the CIA in England. She would believe it all. Her opening line for us is, "I just heard from Tennessee." Lee's parents are in Tennessee and "supposedly" she gets multiple calls a day from people who visit them and she needs to tell us the latest news about them. She'll call at 9:00 and tell us this (midnight in Tenn). Lee will say how late it is in Tennessee and she'll say, "That's what I thought. They stay up late." Five minutes later she'll call and say the same thing. She says her uncle is Ronald Reagan and she used to sing at the Grand Ol' Opry. She and her late husband also helped build the church building here (it had no lay builders), the Medford Temple (he'd died before then), and every other establishment in McKinleyville. One day she told Lee, "You're a good looking fellow Lee. And I'm not telling you that to get you all spunktified!" Hilarious! When he does his home teaching she'll try and give him all these old things she has in her house (junk). One day she gave him an old remote controller after insisting he took it. Before he got home she had called me and said, "Lee took off with my remote. I don't know why he would take it". Once she said she had left her keys to her house in a shed that was locked. Lee and his dad went over and had to pry it open to get them. The next time he was over she took him to the shed and told him someone had broken in and tried to steal her stuff (pointing to the area they had had to pry the shed's lock open. Ethel stories are legendary in our ward and in our home. When I talk to my children on the phoneI can hardly hear a conversation because she is trying on call waiting to get through. Over and over again. When people are here visiting they are shocked by how many calls we get from her. I know it's mean but I couldn't take it any more. Ethel has left the Iorg household. (Lee is her home teacher and will call once a day to check up on her but at least we'll have some peace and quiet now!) Someday I'll get a picture and post it.