Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Don't Be Fooled

DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THIS SWEET APPEARANCE. Beneath this sweet smile lies a sassy girl that can best the most experienced of grandmas. Here are some guidelines should you come across this wild creature:
1. NEVER let her out of the house to walk to the car. A cat and mouse game of capturing Rylee will take place around the car as you try and get her. I'm sure it is amusing to the neighbors.
2. ALWAYS grab her as soon as you unbuckle her from her carseat or she will run to the back of the van. You then run to the back and she runs to the front. This can go on for some time. Again to the amusement of the neighbors.
3. NEVER take your eyes off her for a minute. She might put a pen in the gallon of milk, take off her diapers full of poop (sorry to be so graphic), or unpack your suitcase.
4. DO NOT leave her in the house or in a room that locks while you go outside or in another room. She will lock the door and you will have to beg her to open it for you.
5. DO all your toileting, showering when she has gone to sleep or you will need to do it with her in the room due to #3. If you must do it during normal hours prepare to have her get into your makeup, toiletries, etc. Be prepared to beg her NOT to spill out your Bare Minerals makeup that she is holding.
6. DO NOT leave keys or cell phones around. They will end up in some random place such as her purse or the water bucket in the backyard. You may not see them again.
7. DO NOT park a grocery cart too close to anything reachable. It will end up in your cart. Parking the cart 3 feet from the checkout counter, even if it looks crazy, is advisable.
8. DO NOT plan on sleeping past 6:30 am. She wakes up early and comes in to wake up visitors and her brothers. From then on she is on the run, literally, until naptime. And again after naptime, until bedtime. NO exaggeration.
9. DO NOT think you can get anything past her. This morning I told her at 6:15 she had to go back to sleep (as she crawled in with me and Cohen) and she said, "Go to sleep Cohen!"
Cohen said it best a few minutes ago when he told her, "You're the worst nightmare of my wife (life)!" I about died laughing. She isn't the worst nightmare but she certainly has bested this grandma and is keeping me on my toes. Continually. Can I really ever leave Kelly???? Do you think I could lose weight with this??? Will I survive or will the vixen do me in??? Stay tuned.
P.S. She is still adorable.


Aubree said...

No wonder Kelly is so tiny!! I have been there and this post is something I could have written about Hailee 3 years ago! Cohen's comment is awesome! Hopefully you can get some rest! I think Kelly might need you for another month or so!

Lindsey said...

i was crying from laughter and even alan got a few big laughs from this post. I read it out loud to him and could barely get through it, because i was laughing so hard. oh rybug, you are hilarious. i can't wait to have some fun with her when i'm there!

Alex said...

I am in class right now and was trying soooo hard not to crack up laughing during that post...i think a few laughs got away though!!! That is possibly the funniest post ever. Really....i have never heard of a child like her. I can just imagine her holding your bare minerals makeup and about to pour it out and you trying to talk her into not. haha. Cohen's was great!!! Poor Kelly. yikes. I have to show mitch this post...he will think its HILARIOUS ;) She is the cutest crazy girl ever though!!! I think I am a little partial cus she loves me so much :)

Kasey said...

The part about her sticking the pen in the milk got me and I couldn't stop laughing from that point on! I love Cohen's comment too. This is a great post!

Lani said...

so hilarious!!! i love it. Keep us posted!

Julie said...

Pam you are an amazing grandma. I loved your post and thought of the time I was running after her in the church parking lot. Kelly is going to have to tie her to something when you leave, like when you were at the lake.

Janelle said...


Sarie said...

I am laughing at this! hilarious!!!!! Rylee sounds nuts. I don't know how we live through children like that!

Bev and Roger said...

That is the best 'grandmother' posting ever! Right on Pam!!!!